Sometimes real people are scarier than Jason, Michael Meyers or any other Hollywood monster. Yes, we may be a little critical, you might think we're being just plain mean, and the reasons may vary but goddammit these people give us the WILLIES!
	BATA ILLIC German Folk singer who's claim to fame is singing about being a "button on your blouse". Ok, not a bad idea maybe, but when my best girl sent me this photo I almost had a heart attack! Scared the shit out of me to be honest. Then I checked out his videos on You Tube... even more disturbing.
	JERRY JONES- COWBOYS OWNER What's the difference between Cowboys owner and a Sleestack from Land Of The Lost? Well, every year they start to look more and more alike I know that much! Rumor is he'll be playing one in the remake of the famous children's Saturday Morning from the 70's. Jones is almost as evil and scary as those fuckers who literally caused me to shit my pants every Saturday morning!
CARROT TOP Good Lord there's something wrong here! Hey, if he want's to buff up that's fine, but the makeup and eyebrows thing creeps the shit out of me. And I don't care how buff you are, he needs to wear more clothes. Doesn't he know that fat people are much funnier than skinny people with muscles?	JOAQUIN-PHOENIX Can you say "off the deep end"?? Didn't he learn from watching his brother die that drugs aren't such a good idea? And the most disturbing part is he's now a rapper? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?? He looks like the fucking Unabomber!	ROSIE O'DONNELL Geezus God I swear she's the most disgusting human on the face of earth. Doesn't it look like she'd like to eat you alive? Does anyone actually think she's funny or entertaining other than other fatass loud-mouth bitches? Give me a break! And WHY do people keep giving her a job???
	Roger Clemens - Barry Bonds Hey, it's not the fact they did steroids, which to me is quite obvious, but what makes them scary is their unbelievable ability to deny with a strait face they never used enhancements. It's almost like they have convinced themselves they never used them! They're egos are so huge (along with their muscles) that they never thought they'd get caught, now that they have, they vehemently deny it at all costs. Scary dudes!
Axl Rose Whatever he did to his face was just wrong... I can't quite put my finger on it either, it might be the fact he's forced to smile his skin is so tight. It almost looks like his eyebrows are paited on or something. And the cornrows? Well, that just looks stupid. You still get the feeling too that he could snap at any moment.	Katie Couric I don't give a shit what people say, she's a bitch! You get the feeling behind the scenes she's a prima donna. Trust me, I've worked in TV before, the cutest most beloved are often hellions when the cameras go out.	Amy Winehouse The first reason the British singer gives me the willies is that I feel like I'm looking at the living dead! She's an OD waiting to happen! She used to be a total babe too. The second reason, with that incredible voice, it's like a Motown singer has channeled into the body of a crack-whore. Hopefully she get's her act together or she'll be the next tragic rock star.
Rupaul Geez, this one's pretty obvious. I think he/she creeps out most people. The scary thing is that somethings she looks freakin' hot... but as soon as she speaks you feel your nuts shrivel up.	Katie Holmes Apparently her career was going nowhere, so why not make money by posing as the wife of Tom Cruise and having his child. Sound absurd? Is it really??? Hmmm, stranger things have happend in Hollywood!	Tom Cruise This condensending fucker may be at the top of the list. Why do I always feel like he's talking down to everyone. He has this attitude that he's smarter than the rest of us and he knows something we don't. The weird thing is I've thought this since "Risky Business".
Dog The Bounty Hunter First of all, he needs to keep his shades on, he looks like hell without them. He could actually benefit from some surgery, find a happy medim between he and Kenny Rogers. I still have the feeling this guy would kill you in your sleep. After watching the show I had so much white-trash overload I felt like I needed to take a shower.	Hillary Clinton She and Tom Cruise are in the same category, there so full of themselves it's pathetic. Maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like if she's elected she'd try to pass a law all males would have to be neutered. If you think she's anything but a blood-sucking polotician you're fooling yourself.	Kenny Rogers Man, talk about creepy! He looks like he's perptually surprised or something. I think they should take him out of the Country Music Hall Of Fame, plastic surgery is NOT Country Western!
Michael Jackson This is so obvious it's painful, he looks like the freakin' Joker from Batman in this pic.	O.J. Simpson If you're not still disturbed by OJ there's something wrong. If his last outburst didn't convince you he's a raving lunatic, you're just as crazy as he is!	Richard Simmons OK,I was at the mall once when he was touring and he actually hugged me. I've never been the same since. NOBODY can be this upbeat and positive all the time, it wouldn't suprise me if he went on a shooting spree sometime soon.
	Don Imus I actully like Don Imus for the most part. As a radio guy myself he opened a lot of doors and has done some amazing things. Yeah, he is basically a creepy old man now, but the real reason he gives me the willies is because he looks just like British actor Bill Nighy when he turned into a zombie in "Shaun Of The Dead".