 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
GHOST TOWN - 2001 - Director: Richard Director A
bizarre story about a modern-day deputy who ends stumbles across a "Ghost
Town" while searching for a missing young woman. Franc Luz
plays deputy "Langley", who could be actor Vincent Spano's
twin. The story doesn't make a lot of sense but doesn't waste
anytime getting started and the action is consistent. It's basically
a "Western" of sorts and "Langley" has to confront
an evil outlaw named "Devlin" who, unlike the rest of the
townspeople that appear out of nowhere, is some sort of Zombie.
Don't over-analyze this one and just enjoy the shoot-em'-up action and
over-exaggerated characters. Director Richard Govenor's first
and apparently last project. |
GHOSTKEEPER - 1981 - Director: Jim Makichuck "The
Shining" meets "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", except it's
not nearly as good as either films. Three people on holiday decide
to go snowmobiling where they're not supposed to, despite being warned
by a local storeowner. They end up getting stranded in a lodge
inhabited by a weird family consisting of a mother and her two messed
up sons. The story is confusing to say the least, in fact you're
never really sure what's going on! Despite this, the film has
some disturbing moments thanks to the capable cast. The lodge
is huge and it makes a good setting for this story. It's just
unfortunate is wasn't told a little better. It's worth a look
however, and if you completely understand the entire story, please let
me know! |
GHOSTS OF MARS - 2001 - Director: John Carpenter In
typical John Carpenter fashion, this movie about, well, ghosts on Mars
is a non-stop thrill ride of mayhem. An ancient being possesses a mining
community and transforms them into a raving group of lunatics bent on
destruction. A group of cops led by Natasha Henstridge is sent
in to pick up a criminal (Ice Cube) at the base when the make the grim
discovery that half the base has been slaughtered and beheaded and the
other half are running around let by a crazy man that looks like a muscular
Marilyn Manson. Carpenter uses the "trapped" feeling
that worked so well in films like "The Thing" and "Prince
Of Darkness" and the fight sequences of "Escape From New York".
This is really a combination of a lot of his films where somehow Carpenter
manages to establish a character, get you to care about them, and then
kill them off fast enough to make your head spin. This is a testosterone
driven film that has a female in the lead so the women can relate to
it as well. My only complaint is some of the ridiculously cheesy
lines! There were hints of Carpenter trying too hard, much like
he did in the "Escape From L.A." debacle. Overall, this
is one of his better pieces of work, at least in the top half anyway,
and for a mindless night of mayhem and Heavy Metal, you can't find much
better. |
GHOULIES - 1985 - Director: Luca Bercovici It
started out all right, but somewhere along the way, this one got really
confusing and cluttered. You'd think people would learn not to
summon demons from strange books by now, but apparently not. The
movie starts off with a satanic ritual where a young baby is spared
and taken away from the cult. This baby, "Jonathan"
grows up and returns to the house and starts messing with his father's
magic books. He conjures up a bunch of slimly little monsters
to serve him. This is all confusing to say the least, as his evil
father returns in the end to take his son's youth... oh yeah, "Jonathan"
also conjured up a couple elves to help him too. All in all it
was fairly entertaining, Scott Thompson (Police Academy) was a good
drunk/stoner who's break-dance scene was the best part of the movie.
Followed by numerous sequels. |
GHOULIES 2 - 1987 - Director: Albert Band The
second instalment of the series was either made for a much younger audience,
or is and insult to horror fans. The story makes little sense
as the group of little monsters hitches a ride with a carnival and end
up being part of the Spook House. The acting is cheesy and the
special effects consist of slimy Gremlin-like characters that spit goop
on people. The only respectable performance was that of Royal
Dano, who plays a mean drunk who is the first to find the little rascals
and the first to discover how dangerous they are. It is a decent
one for the younger audience or really slow people who can't have no
sense of what a plot or story is. |
GHOULIES 3 - 1991 - Director: John Carl Buechler Without
a doubt the worst in this overall bad series. I like good toilet
humor as much as the next guy, but this is about as lowbrow as it gets.
They may have been playing off Gremlins 2, which came out shortly before
this one, but considering what a flop it was, they should have reconsidered.
There's only 3 "Ghoulies" this time, (hmmm, could that be
a play off the number 3?) and they try to do a "Three Stooges"
thing, but it doesn't work... in fact nothing about this film works.
Unlike Troma's work, they didn't capture the sarcasm and the writing
was horrible. This might be funny to 11 year old boys, but that's
about it, and unfortunately that's a very small demographic to target! |
GHOULIES 4 - 1994 - Director: Jim Wynorski Jim
Wynorski brings the same tongue and cheek humor in part 4 as he did
is such cult classics like "Sorority House Massacre 2" and
"Chopping Mall". This has schlock written all over it
as they tie in the character of "Jonathon" from the first
movie, played again by Peter Liapis. Of course there's no sense
to any of this, including the only two "Ghoulies" that show
up. They really had nothing to do with the movie other than comic
relief. Wynorski always has a sharp look to his movies, despite
the silly effects, which again area probably done on purpose.
I actually enjoyed this one more than the others, probably due to Wynorski's
sarcasm and dark humor... oh, and having Stacie Randall strutting around
in a low cut leather outfit helped a little too. |
| THE GIANT CLAW - 1951 - Director Fred Sears. Cast Jeff Morrow, Mora Carday, others. Incredibly
this was a serious horror film at the time of its release. It was also,
again incredibly , put out as one of those short Castle Film 200 ft
8mm lopps in the 1960s (sort of a prelude to home videos), and again
released on actual video to sell to schmucks interested in it. Special
effects might have been awe inspiring at the time, but will draw laughs
from the present crowd. The giant claw in the title belongs to a resurrected
bird from prehistoric times, who for the bulk of the film, engages in
a running battle with military aircraft before being shot down. Not
much of a plot there, but fans in the 50s must have loved it. Wghen
you judge films of this time span, you need to judge them in the era
when they were made and not by our modern standards in order to be fair.
For its time, it would be considered an average film. For modern crowds,
it would be considered cannon foddar for an old MST3000 or Elvira show
and little else. Worth checking out for the laughs. |
GINGER SNAPS - 2000 - Director: John Fawcett Dark
comedy that gives the "Werewolf" a new twisted makeover.
Despite the fact this is aimed towards teens, it's very smart and extremely
well written. Director John Fawcett does magnificent work and gets superb
performances from grown up child stars Emily Perkins and Katherine Isabelle.
It's the story of two sisters who are about as morbid as they come,
they talk about suicide and are obsessed with blood and gore.
The older sister "Ginger" ends up being attacked by a "large
animal" that's been terrorizing the neighborhood. The story
take us through her transformation into a Werewolf. If you look
deeper into the story, it's also about going through puberty and dealing
with everything that happens during the most uncomfortable era of your
life. Fawcett doesn't candy-coat anything either. Ultimately
this is a Horror film with some very good special effects and copious
amounts of blood. Definitely a sleeper and a must for all Horror
fans. |
GOTHIC - 1987 - Director: Ken Russell It
really helps to know this was a based on a strange night that inspired
Mary Shelley to write the classic "Frankenstein". It's
basically a "artsy" film that is more annoying than scary.
This is most likely a critic's favorite, and I'm sure I don't get it,
but it's just too weird and pointless to be entertaining. The
cast is certainly capable enough, Gabriel Byrne, Julian Sands, and Natasha
Richardson are all very respected, but I found them all to be quite
boring and over-dramatic in this one. If you like the work of
Stanley Kubrick, you would most likely enjoy this one. |
GIRL SCHOOL SCREAMERS - 1986 - Troma I
think you'd find better acting in a grade-school play. The dialogue
was so bad it was comical, there are literally pauses where the actor
seemed to have lost their train of thought. It started off as
more of a ghost story but turned into your mid-80's Slasher. There's
no use going into the plot or story, because it JUST DOESN'T MATTER!
A bunch of finishing school girls get hacked up, end of story.
These girls were supposed to be in Finishing School, but they all had
to be near 30. There's a couple boyfriends who are planning on
scaring the girls, and their conversation beforehand consisted of "What
are we going to tell our parents". These guys had hairy chests
and had been shaving for years, but yet they're worried about sneaking
around their parents? And the Nuns in the movie, God Bless these
old bags, but they could hardly get a line out at time. I've heard
of cutting costs, but this one goes way too far, and unfortunately it's
bad acting is not entertaining enough to even make fun of. Now,
if they only would have had the girls wearing their school girl outfits
the entire film! Of course that would have done NOTHING to help
me get over that sick fetish. |
GIRLS NITE OUT - 1984 There's
enough cheesy lines here to sink a battleship. This could have
been called "Welcome To Dorksville"! Your typical 80's
Slasher flick features your regular load of horrible acting and bad
fashions. This one is based out of Dewitt (or maybe Dimwit) University
where there's a sorority scavenger hunt going on... and the hunters
end up the hunted. As a matter of fact, they are being hunted
by a lunatic in the school mascot's friggin' bear suit, the killer even
tapes steak knives to the paws to simulate real claws! Former
Notre Dame coach Al McGuire makes a cameo in this one... riveting ain't
it. For being released in 84' this one really had a 70's feel
to it, the music and everything else was definitely NOT 84'. You
could use this movie for a case-study on how stupid people acted back
then. The killin' din't start soon enough in this stinker, definitely
for comedic purposes only. |
GRANDMA'S HOUSE - 1989 Oh
my gosh, It's Uncle Leo! Yes, character actor Len Lesser, more
recently known as Jerry Seinfeld's crazy Uncle Leo, plays a crazy Grandfather
in this B-Movie Horror flick. This one's made mostly for kids
as the plot is silly and makes little sense, as does most of the movie
for that matter. Scream Queen Brinke Stevens plays a wacked out
woman who does stir up some scares as she plays a good psycho.
The violence is mostly in the form of chases, and the blood is minor.
They obviously started to run out of money to pay decent actors as some
of the cast is downright horrible. At least the main core does
a decent job, and besides, it's Uncle Leo!! "Hey Jerry, you
should see your cousin, he's been promoted to Park Ranger!" |
THE GRANNY - 1995 - Director: Luca Bercovici Definitely
a sleeper here, "The Granny" is a cross between "Throw
Mamma From The Train", "Greedy" and "Re-Animator".
Stella Stevens stars as "Granny" and Shannon Whirry is the
only relative with enough heart to care for the mean old bitch.
From reviews I've seen of this film, I don't think people get it...
this movie is heavily loaded with sarcasm and dark humour. I can
see how it would be too much for some with it's "Tromaesque"
attitude towards bad taste. Director Luca Bercovici has
a twisted sense of humour that makes this one a lot of fun to watch.
The story is pretty simple, a family of money grubbing bastards are
trying to knock off their grandmother to collect their inheritance.
These people are shamelessly rotten to the core, but manage to be quite
funny in their wicked ways. When a stranger shows up with a magic
elixir for Granny that is supposed to extend her life, she takes the
serum at the "wrong" time despite the warnings... gee, maybe
there's a little bit of "Gremlins" here too. Granny
basically turns into a killing machine and only Whirry and the stranger
can save the day. The gore is pretty intense here, including one
victim having his Johnson removed with a scissors. It's all comical
in a sick way, but probably isn't good for kids. Ryan Bollman
(Micah in Children Of The Corn 2) plays "Junior" a hilarious
little smart-ass prick who steals many scenes. And did I mention
Shannon Whirry? She HAS to have the most luscious lips in the
biz. Don't let bad reviews keep you away from this one, if you're
in a really weird mood, this one is perfect! |
THE GREENSKEEPER - 2002 - Director: Kevin Greene Who
would have thought there were so many ways to kill someone at a golf
course, like a ball-washer? This low-budget slasher doesn't pretend
to be serious and completely lampoons the stereotypical pompous country
clubbers. The guys all have names like "Chet" and "Chip"
and the girls are all stupid rich bitches with big tits. Now here's
the fun part, Kip Winger actually does the soundtrack, and it's one
of the high-lights of the film! He really does an amazing job making
this low-budget flick sound larger than life. Now, are you ready for
this? John Rocker, yes, THAT John Rocker, the major league pitcher is
in the film! If that's not work the rental I don't know what is! First
time director lends some crediblity to the film by casting Allelon Ruggerio
(Dead Poet's Society) and Ron Lester (Varsity Blues) to the mix. He
throws in a twisted sense of humor and you come up with a pretty decent
little slasher with some nice twists. |
GRIM - 1995 - Director: Paul Matthews There was potential here, but it just doesn't come together hear.
A suburban community has a problem.. people are disappearing and houses
are collapsing on their foundations. A expert is brought in to
investigate and he and a group of locals end up in an underground cavern.
They figure out what's causing the problems, a hulking beast with magical
powers that seems to enjoy tearing people's heads off. You've
heard the old saying, "a little goes a long way" right?
Director Paul Matthews should have taken that advice and actually dumped
some of the special effects that ruined this movie. The creature
itself was just plain silly looking, we actually saw him too much.
If they had kept him in the shadows more, the fear factor would have
been higher. They mixed in some Ouiji board crap that made this
more confusing than it had to be. Overall, there's decent amount
of action and some pretty nasty gore, but it's not going to win over
casual horror fans. |
| GUMMO
- 1997 - Director: Harmony Corine |
|
|